Tuesday, September 30, 2003

time passed by quickly today.
a blink of the eye and it was time to go home.
well, at least to get outta school.
went out for lunch with my gf, honey and jma.
had a good time with them,
laughing and fooling around.

//tan : check out your email eh? just sent you a love letter. hee. take care and cheer up! -hughughughug-
\\em : "how can u get urself another gf?????????" hmmm.. is that a question as to how could i abandon you and get another gf and that you are veryvery upset?? haha. the look on your face when she said she didnt like you was so hilarious.. i couldnt stop laughing. you looked so lost and confused. hee. dont worry, i love you too... no need to get jealous, although i hold her hand and give her kisses on her cheeks, which i obviously dont do to you......
//mei : how could i leave you out? love seeing you tag although most of them are for your lesbianlover... -sob- you take care and do well for your exams eh, otherwise this time you will really get spanked and to add on, you'll have to treat tan and i to an extremely delicious dinner. -mmuacks-
\\wyn : hmmm... im eyeing the $360 metoyou bear from kalms... its huuge! its around half or three-quarters your size... you'll definitely be able to hide behind it when you walk around town. -sniggers- just joking. can just see your jaw drop when you saw the price.. you take care bimbodearest. ilu!

i can still feel the warmth of your hand in mine

22:33

Monday, September 29, 2003

supposed to have mfm intensive today...
obviously nothing was done.
in no mood especially after i found out that you already had someone in mind... the only problem being her attached.
well, at least it shows that you are loyal, thats good i guess.
seems to me that there might not be a beginning afterall.
its always wishful thinking on my part.

20:05

gp exams over...
no emotions felt.
no feeling as to whether ill pass or fail.
turning into an emotionless person.
but then again,
hopefully ill pass,
then it'll show that the handshake gave me gd luck.
teehee.

12:14

Sunday, September 28, 2003

didnt update since fri..
so here's my ohsouninteresting update since.

-- sat
got a call from my gf in the morning to ask me study with her.. but to be confirmed after breakfast (which was rotiprata) after years passed and cobwebs spun, she finally got home and called me. decided that the destination would be her house. so i took a train down to sembawang and have been staying there since. studied a little geog then went to sunplaza for dinner with her and her dad.
bought some snacks, headed back to her place, bathed, did a little more work, chit-chatted then slept till this morning.

-- today
she was supposed to go for the 9+ mass, but her brother couldnt get up, so went for the 1145 mass. so her dad sent me home to change, then headed back to her place to pick her mum and brother up, then we all went for mass. after which, we went to northpoint for lunch, walked around a little. got to her house, we slept from 1500+ to dinnertime. slacked till 2030, then we started work. my parents came to pick me up around 2145.. and so im home!

-- thoughts of the day --
in a much better mood than i was 2 days ago.. still not much mood to really start studying and attempt to get promoted. cos for no reason, i seriously dont give a damn. although i dont want to face the situation whereby i have to choose between retaining or poly. contradictory huh. well, thats me.
anyway, i decided to study for the sake of it. using my love for giam.fel.hema.lye.zhen.sunita and for 2t04 '04, im gonna try and squeeze as much info i can into this almost non-existant brain of mine and hope that ladyluck will shine on me.

-- happy thoughts --
you think im a nice girl and a good friend... and you like it that i have a temper... unusual but it shows you go for character and not looks (cos i obviously have none). hopefully in time to come, something will work out. im hoping. but if it doesnt, im glad i found a friend like you.

-- shoutouts --
az : study hard eh... miss you plenty!
val & em : good luck for your promos... may both of you get promoted!
pam : miss you too... take care.
tan & wyn : miss you 2 so so much.. havent seen you guys in ages. and wyn.. im still waiting for my softtoy....... -wink-

22:32

Friday, September 26, 2003

the desire to give up is tremendous.
no idea why im hanging in there,
there's no reason for me to do so.
wish i could put an end to this misery.

14:44

Thursday, September 25, 2003

it was a rainy day today..
the best time to be snuggling in my comfy bed and sleeping the day away.
instead i went to school and had a tummyache,
which lasted throughout the day.
and i didnt even get to see baichi in the morning.
but later, pizzabread saved the day.
feeling much better now.

received 2 very sweet messages today...
one from azaria*dearest and the other from my girlfriend
so that made my day. :)

//az : heyhey, thanks for calling to check on me... really sweet of you. guess both of us need to start hitting the books hard and get promoted. no matter what you say about not being able to pass is a load of crap, cos i know that my darling penguin is definitely capable of doing well. :) you take care, drink more water and get more rest eh. love you loads dear!

17:42

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

life's fucked up.
whats the goddamn use of studying so bloody hard for promos when i cant even make it through? dont give me that shit about how if i dont try, ill wont know. the thing is, i do know. been there, done that. im not the kind that can start mugging a couple of weeks before the exam and hope that somehow, god will take pity on me and let me get promoted. yes, my fault for not starting early. but the thing is i did. i tried to do bit by bit so that i will not be in the state that im in now, but the thing is, i still ended up here. now, its less than 2 weeks to promos, everybodys mugging their asses off. after school, everyone just goes off somewhere to study or stay on in school. i stay in school too, but looks like im the only one not studying. fuck. i have no motivation, no zest, no stress. used to want to prove to my dad that the more he says i cant do it, the more i will do it and do it well to show him that for once what he says is wrong. but now, all i get from him is encouragement. its good but it doesnt work. i have no fucking idea why am i studying. studying for what? studying for who?

i do really want to promote with t04, cos i really love my class. i want to be with lye, fel, hema, sunita, zhen, mel, danielle, eunice, jon, etc. and especially giam. but that doesnt seem to be giving me the spur to study hard and get promoted with them. all i feel like doing now is to give up.

right now, i really miss the times i spent studying with tan, pam and ocassionally, az. those were the times when i really had the motivation to study hard and not disappoint the teachers that stayed late with us and to show that although our mid-year results sucked, we could all make it in the end. i love you all soo much, i could cry.

its time to move on from all those beautiful memories, but i seem to be stuck.

what a fucked up day.

18:54

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

studystudystudystudystudystudystudystudy
havent been able to do that for the last couple of weeks.

my heart is starting to flutter whenever your name is mentioned.
im telling myself not to think too much,
in case its just an infatuation,
at least ill take a shorter time to pick myself up.
my friends tell me how nice you are.
i know that.
but i guess it takes time,
and we'll wait till your exams are over.
no distractions.

19:10

Sunday, September 21, 2003

supposed to be studying,
but obviously im slacking.
well, better get back cos i have a feeling im gonna fall asleep later and end up not doing anything.

love isnt supposed to hurt so much.
love is supposed to be the reason for waking up in the morning.
love is supposed to be the motivation for studying.
love is supposed to be the reason why one smiles so happily.
yet, all this is now over.
instead, love brings sorrow and tears.
love brings no reason for waking up in the morning.
love brings tears in the night before falling asleep.
love brings neither smile nor laughter.

15:22

Saturday, September 20, 2003

the econs test today was total crap.
i had absolutely no idea what i was writing..
had other things on my mind.
i think the only mark i get is from identifying the mkt structure.

been sleeping really really early this past week.
and i really mean early, like 2100 and im half dead.
no wonder my mum is getting a little worried for me.
no studying done, yet for the past few days im been running around.

shit.
this is the first time in my life i have a feeling that i wont make it.

15:21

Friday, September 19, 2003

never knew anyone could be this violent.
oh well, guessed i learnt a new thing today.

hopefully, by the time this weekend is over,
everything will be back to normal and no more disruptions till promos are over.
speaking about weekend,
got an econs mock casestudy paper tmr.
means i gotta wake up early....
and talking about promos,
its in less than 2 weeks,
and im nowhere near even 5% done studying.
i swear im not lying.
thats how bad the situation is.

well, if i cant make it,
guess pam,wyn,tan, you guys will see me at tp next yr.
cos i dont think i wanna retain in cj
and i dont think brotherpaul will let me,
cos he's like trying to reduce the number of retainees.
we shall see.

19:19

Thursday, September 18, 2003

its been a tiring day.
very very tiring.
but it did let me know how friendship works.
it works when your friend is in need,
and you are there accompanying them right to the end.
it also shows how uncaring some people are,
all they care about is their goddamn selfish self.
as though the whole entire world revolves around them.
of course, there are also the kind that acts as though they know everything,
but, the fact is, they know nothing.

just needed to say that out.
feel better now.
and im reallyseriouslyextremelysuperduper glad that everything is ok now.
- wipes sweat off forehead -

// girlfriend : hee. your new nickname. like it? once again, thanks for coming down to just to give me a hug (though it wasnt exactly a hug-hug) and listen to me get upset about what happened. sorry for making you stay for so long although you already ended school and was supposed to head home before going out. if you were late, im really sorry. liked our chitchat session though.. cheered me up a lot. -smiles- ilu~ girlfriend! :)

19:42

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

hee.
mypreciousdeardarlingguniangs - val, pam, em & wyn
they are all just sososo cute!!!
all planning for post exam activities already...
retail therapy + medi&pedi + suntanning
oh man. so cant wait for promos to be over and spend time with them..
love them sooo much.
glad i have you 4 guniangs in my life :)

had dinner with msgiam and we almost had to camp overnight outside. (private joke)
but it was really damn funny yet scary.
haha, thinking of it just reminds me of giam's panicky look. x)

oh well, im off to do more mindmaps for geog.
less than 20 days to promos and im still so relaxed?
this is bad.

22:15

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

what is true love?
some people spend their entire life
trying to find that special someone that will complete them.
when they fail to do so,
they question why isnt it their turn yet
and all they can do is sit and watch from afar.
yet when they do find love,
they question why did they take that step,
the step that brought them from heaven right into hell.

// val : next time msg me before i leave the house alright? anyways, you take care of yourself and ill only bring it the day after i see you come to school.
\\ em : hee. you caught me eating noodleking again today during break. guess what? i had it again for lunch after school..
//pam : physical training? hmm.. shouldnt be that bad, according to cj's mass pe standards. nvm, you'll become fitter. for health's sake, bear with it. :) actually, i have absolutely no idea what im talking about cos i absolutely cant stand pe. hee. im bonkers. x)
\\ *** : sorry im not very good at comforting, kept on pointing out your bad points when you were already so upset. all i can do is lend you a shoulder to cry on and a ear to listen to you pour out your sorrows. but you take care and be prepared come what may. if its meant to be, its meant to be. ilu darling :) see you tmr.

p.s. i love you too pammie! and not forgetting val & em, not as though they need my love very much.. -wink-

19:00

Monday, September 15, 2003

nothing much happened today
except that jt was on mc
and this spastic idiot from godknowswhere was the relief teacher.
first, he made us greet him twice.
secondly, he refused to let us go to the washroom during lesson. nvm.
thirdly, he refused to let us go still after the bell went and he still can say that he didnt hear the bell. urgh. what an ass.
hope i never see him again.

pe was painful. literally.
my arms hurt from hitting the volleyball
although i didnt exactly complete all the drills.
had to run 5 rounds too. :(

other than that, first day of school was pretty okay.
got to eat my noodleking and talked to emily!
hee. im happy~ haha.
too bad val didnt come today.. brought something for her :(

17:54

Sunday, September 14, 2003

schools starting tmr.
sleep early people.
its back to teachers nagging and amounting stress.
hope you all will get pass it and pass your promos.

just some shoutouts to my preciousdeardarlings...
\\ az : stop playing thesims and start studying. study hard. take care. ill see you ard.
// val : glad i managed to spend some time with you this hols... hopefully ill see you around more often besides during pe, breaks (mon-wed) and econs lect. hmm.. actually that sounds quite a bit... maybe i dont wanna see you that much. haha. just joking. ill see you in school. luv you guniang :) cant wait for more guniang outings and our much awaited medi&pedi session.
\\ em : seldom see you around school (except ocassionally on tues & thurs, during break) and i didnt even get to catch a glimpse of you this hols.. hmph. angry. nvm, shall try and see you around school more often. lets arrange and go out manymany times with val and pam during the hols eh? maybe another tanning session at sentosa... but this time, you are not touching the suntanning oil. x)
// pam : hey girl.. my darling mehmeh. haha. miss you loads. hope school is alright for you and enjoy archery eh? will treat you to another round of famousamos the next time i see you.. till then, you take care.
\\ wyn : bimbo dearest... take care and ill see you hopefully sometime before this year ends. short and sweet. luv you bimbo~ ps. ill try to invade if i have the opportunity. x)
// tan : hey you.. havent spoken to you in a while. hope you are doing fine and take care of yourself alrights? :)
\\ simone : my cutest mei.. school's starting. yuck, i know. but hell, we still gotta go through it. you take care and remain as pinchable and eat more! lets go out with your lesbianlover and emily, -gives simone that look- during the hols.

did i forget anybody???

22:37

Saturday, September 13, 2003

went to school to attempt at studying...
spent my time doing mind-maps instead.
the library was so freaking hot
and the librarian turned the lights off at noon
when the library is supposed to close only at 1300.
went elsewhere to continue with my mind-mapping
and left at about 1630.

thats my day.
off to watch tv before hitting the books.

22:29

Thursday, September 11, 2003

a giant snowball,
rolling down the slope,
gaining speed and mass increasing.
an avalanche, they call it.
and whoever is at the bottom of the slope,
gets buried under it.

school . homework . pw . promos . expectations
they are the snowball.
as days pass by,
i feel helpless standing at the bottom,
knowing that i can save myself by moving away before it buries me,
yet, im immobile.
am i being too dependent?
hoping that someone will come along and pull me to safety.
or am i resigning to fate?
thinking that maybe being buried is a good thing,
cause ill panic and struggle to get myself out before its really too late.

my mind is a mess.
cant seem to think straight anymore.
too used to leading a sheltered life.
now im chucked in a new environment with new people.
i dont know them. they dont know me.
its hard to open up
because i dont know their level of trustworthiness.
i have a way of doing things. they have their own.
i cant expect them to conform to mine, just like they cant force me to conform to theirs.
a compromise has to be made.
but there will always be someone giving in more than they should.
not that they are weak and easily stepped on,
but because to even say a few more words to justify a point is tiring.

the past is gone forever.
memories of the past fade as the hands of time moves forward.
people change. so do i.
no arguements about that.
but i would rather move forward in a slower pace,
so that i can have more time to absorb my surroundings
before being thrown into an entirely new place without any clue of whats happening.

blabbering as usual.
hate my life right now.

17:01

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

-burrrrrrp-
excuse me.
ate too much today.
-- american breakfast
-- chicken spaghetti
courtesy of rockys
-- mafia sandwich
courtesy of nydc
-- lotus root soup
courtesy of some shop near my cousin's office.

didnt manage to do much studying today.
dragged val off for some shopping at about 1500.
bought myself a new roxy pencilbox and lipbalm from bodyshop.
and we took a neo! hee.
went over to my cousin's office to have dinner with her,
ended up sleeping for half an hour waiting for her to go home.
anyway, im home and refreshed after bathing.

gotta wake up early and go to school for lit and pw tmr. -groan-

// val : cant wait for our pedicure session after promos... -hops around- sorry for making you stop your maths just when you were in the maths mood. you take care and im just a call away. guniangs forever. hee. im happy that i got promoted. -winks- ilu~ my favourite guniang.
\\ wyn : you sounded pretty sick today... take care k? im waiting for my nydc treat and that big soft thing that you are supposed to get (as my belated birthday present) and walk around town carrying it... x) ilu~ my darling bimbo.
// ac : hey you... take care and study hard for your exams k? dont wait till its too late, because you and i both know that the feeling of regret sucks. ilu~ dear.

22:50

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

so i went to meet msgiam for dinner..
she had a craving for swensens,
so we ended up at the toapayoh branch.
we each had our main course (and her dessert)
and ordered a "topless 5"
(cookies&cream, vanilla, yummyraisin, strawberry, stickychewychocolate)
*burp*
oops. excuse me.
sent her home then i came back and did more geog.

finally going out tmr...
jeans, black top, slip-ons and my new m)phosis bag!
can you sense my excitement already?!
teehee.

23:10

not as accomplished as i was yesterday.
managed to complete up to production&costs,
leaving me only the 4 mkt structures and labour mkt.
today?
only done 3 miserable lectures of humangeog.
that's like less than 5% of the stuff i need to study.

to think in the past, i would say,
"today's only tuesday.."
but now, im like
"oh shit! its already tuesday!"
never been so scared that once the hols are over, so is my life...
bleah.

off to get ready to meet msgiam for dinner..
and i think val fell into the toilet...
she's still not out.

// wyn : that would be me... hee. you take care of that flu of yours eh... luv you dearie!
\\ val : our last day of studying together tmr... work hard eh!

16:42

Monday, September 08, 2003

taking a break from all that studying ive been doing today...
wanna finish econs by today (hopefully)
so that i can concentrate on geog for the rest of the week.
laters.

16:08

Sunday, September 07, 2003

went for the newpaper bigwalk this morning...
picked msgiam up as usual then headed down to kallang to meet the rest.
didnt know that this kind of event's response from the public is pretty good.
you see parents carrying their babies,
children running around,
even pets get to get outta the house and have a stroll.
ronald mcdonalds was there,
so msgiam got all excited and we took a picture with him (obviously)

after we finally completed the walk,
we went down to town for lunch in 4 on-call cabs.
ate pastamania...
the person gave me wrong kind of noodle and sauce
but i was too tired to ask them to change,
so i just ate three-quarters of it.

went out with lye,fel,lun,rik after that
and we took neos! -smiles-
saw nette!! missed you babe! x)
came home and slept till now.

waiting for my dinner
then i shall start work tonight
before msgiam kills me tmr....

21:27

Saturday, September 06, 2003

- rubs eyes -
morning...
- yawn -
no idea why am i sitting in front of the comp when im supposed to be packing my stuff to bring over to cute's place...
hmmmm...
oh wells, off to get ready to go out.
later.
- stomach growls -

10:48

smelling nice and feeling comfy. *smiles*
loads to say, so be patient.

first, back to school and got suaned pretty bad today...
grrrrr
the number of "suaners" has increased again!
damn damn damn.
thank god its the hols already.
no more suaning....
till sunday.. (bigwalk... oh no!)

the chinese mock was a killer.
except for the comprehension and summary.
the rest were basically playing the guessing game.
had absolutely no idea what crap i was writing for my essay.
but
ec again today... diagonally across. hee.

after the paper, went to town with lye and mel cos i was meeting simoneee~
took the same bus as -ahem-
hee. but saw some peeps that i didnt really fancy. oh heck.
walked around for ages while waiting for my princess mei to arrive.
when she finally reached,
lye and mel left to go eat ~~beef noodles~~
and they had to call me and tell me how yummy it is....
-stares at both of them-
then took neo with simoneee~
prettypretty!!
we both had no disputes as to what color we wanted the background to be. x)
rushed back to ij for mooncake fest.
simone, her friend (elsa?) and i jaywalked..
and we were (well, at least simone and i) screaming while running across the road,
cos the cars were moving so fast and so near to us. *oops*

this year's mooncake fest is not exactly very fun...
but watching ms shanthi play with mrs nick's son is veryveryvery fun.
the 2 of them are sooo cute! haha.
before we left for dinner,
we helped mstan and msjoteo pack the noodles
and we took one cos we were famished.
ate and walked outta the school.

simone, tan and i went to united square for dinner,
but everywhere was either closed or closing.
we ended up eating macdonalds.
by the time we decided to get yakun as well,
they were closed.
waited ages for a cab to come along so that we could send simone home,
in the end we took a bus and sent her right to her doorstep.
i took a cab and rushed home while tan took a bus.

thats my day and night.
pretty long entry.
*yawn*
im tired.
off to bed.
might be going cute's hse tmr.
see first.
night night.

ps. enjoy your hols, unless you have to mug like hell just like me, then good luck.

00:03

Thursday, September 04, 2003

hee.
first thing i see is my long awaited twinkletwinklelittlestar!!!
im happy now!~
*gringringringrin*
thanks wyn! -mmuacks-
glad you are happy already..

just received news that ec was spotted manymany times today...
grrrr.
always happens when im not around.

off to bathe.
here's a song for all of you.

yi shan yi shan liang jing jing,
man tian dou shi xiao xin xin,
gua zai tian shang fa guang ming,
hao xiang xu duo xiao yan jing,
yi shan yi shan liang jing jing,
man tian dou shi xiao xin xin

20:13

didnt go to school today.
just staying at home slacking my time away when im supposed to be studying for tmr's chinese mock.
one day not in school and im already missing
lye.fel.hema.mel.zhen.val.em. and not forgetting giam
oh well, thats just me.
~~slacker.procrastinator.bummer.~~

16:00

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

just got home after sitting in the gym for 3 hrs.
the gp paper was... definitely not easy, but it wasnt a killer, somewhere in between.
well, at least while i was trying to think of what to write,
had my eyecandy diagonally across me all the way at the other end to keep me awake.

part 2 of being suaned today...
but now the number has increased from 2 to 6.
grrrr.
why doesnt anyone believe me???

im hungry.

18:57

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

super duper major shagged.
this is the result of not sleeping a wink the entire night.
talked to sweets till 0500 in the morning,
could have talked longer but heard my mum get up,
so better fake a little.
went to school still feeling hyper.
maybe it was due to the caffeine,
but after the first period,
i was suffering from a bad migraine and exhaustion.

after school, went to bk with sweets and mel
and got suaned by them like mad.
its not true, and it will never be true.

came home, and i was dead to the world.
still got tons of work not completed.
better go and attempt them before i spent another sleepless night rushing my work.
mock gp tmr and mock chinese on fri.
-screams-
starting to feel the stress as there are like only about 30 days left to promos.
but as usual, nothing is done.

21:09

its 03.30 on a tuesday morning.
and im still awake, sitting in front of the computer.
thats cos i havent finished my essay.
hee.
luckily im not the only still up at this ungodly hour.
sweets is also trying to finish her work.
i think mel is asleep already, or maybe she is still up.
but one thing is for sure,
there'll be 3 pandas in class later today.
not even gonna think about lying in bed,
cos if i do, and dont get enough sleep,
im gonna be one grouchy panda.

time is precious.
gonna think of more crap to crap through my essay.
urgh.
migrain on the left side of my head.

03:36

Monday, September 01, 2003

val made me watch spongebobsquarepants before we left....
its not that bad, but major lame.
dinner was pretty okay..
although wyn wasnt able to stay... *sobsob*
missed her so much.
we took a couple of pics and wyn tried to strangle val and i.
grrrr.

my phlogger is screwed up.
help!
off to start on that lit essay.....

23:43

ms val er gave me a wake up call this morning...
asking if i wanted to study with her today and i just burst out laughing,
cos before she called i was just dreaming about studying.
anyway, she came and we attempted to study..
a little has been done, but not much.
gonna go out for dinner with her and -ahem- later.

shall pass the keyboard to her now.

... wha lao. never study that much, cause the brains left again yes yes it's the bell syndrome over and over again. sigh! tmr got test and i'm !@#$#ing on yan's blog.

that was val and her super short entry.
off to get ready to go out.
later.