Sunday, November 30, 2003
had loads of fun last night. mja's confirmation went on smoothly, while hema, grace, my gf and i were freezing our butts off in the cold cold church in the cold cold rainy evening. while the guys all had transport to the restaurant for dinner afterward, the 4 of us had to walk out to the main road to take a cab. wonder where did all their gentlemenly attitudes go.. dinner was good, had wine too. the dinner table was filled with continuous laughter and chatter. after which, mja's parents sent me home. free dinner and transport. haha.
guess all ij girls can really click.. grace is from st nicholas, my gf and hema are from stc, i from ijtp and we can all click and have so much fun together despite the difference in ages. the best thing is that yesterday was the first time i spoke/met grace and we manage to get along quite well. i like that. (:
15:16
Saturday, November 29, 2003
gonna go out later in the evening for mja's confirmation. so sweet of him to invite me, cos he said he wanted those impt to him to be in the photo... shall get him something on my way to congratulate him.
watched
duplex on thurs with hema and her brother.. the show is hilarious. before that, i met sunita and my dearest cousin denise, who was shopping for her grad dress; and it looked as though it was sucha difficult task. but well, her As are over, she can take her time.. walked around a little with my gf and her friend, kenny, as well while waiting for hema. after the movie, we met my gf and kenny again, walked from lido to heeren just to take neo. (: then walked back to wheellock for niven's birthday dinner. feel kinda extra, dont know him that well but still went anyway. but hope he enjoyed his birthday. think i ate too much as usual, (tiramisumudpie... yummilicious) came back feeling bloated and suffered from indigestion the whole night. couldnt sleep at all.
slacked at home the whole day yesterday.. with a certain someone who pissed me off greatly in the afternoon. and since friday nights are the most boring nights, i was left with no choice but to watch lotr.. still not done watching yet.
some overdue shoutouts before i go search for food.
az : nice seeing you on mon night, though we hardly spoke. take care.
eden : bestie!! how have you been?? missing you plenty over here in singapore... guess we should start emailing each other huh? dont want the next time you return, we turn from besties to strangers, ill just die. or since you got that new hp of yours, you know my number, sms me ya? love you loads&loads&loads! :)
em : stupid girl you... supposed to come for tq with us, in the end didnt turn up. ): havent seen you in ages. get the guniang club out some day ya? love you gf!
kk : dont know if you are gonna see this but thks for the chats we had the past couple of nights.. you and your nonsense really calmed me down before i saw brother and made me laugh even more when i was hyper after my tiramisumudpie. hopefully ill save you the agony of coaching me next year, but that remains unknown. take care.
lyelye : you've been pretty quiet on msn these few days.. guess talking on the phone suits us more. thanks for that tummyache you gave me that night when i called you on that "emergency".. thinking of what you said still makes me laugh and get goosebumps too. you take care ya.. late night calls are still a must next year alrights? :) love you sweets.
pam : you said you had a sore throat the other night.. hope you are feeling better.
simone : mei.. how have you been. havent seen you in such a long long time. you take care and ill see you around ya? *mmmuacks
tan : hey darling.. sorry been pangsehing you these couple of days. not calling you back and couldnt let you come over last night. unforseen circumstances lah. dont be mad alrights? (: you take care of yourself and eat regular meals!
val : my fav guniang.. thanks for coming out to meet me at such ungodly hour and accompanying me the whole afternoon. the pampering session was good eh. ;) you take care and ill see you around, or during that nice dinner we spoke about. *hugs
wyn : bimbobimbobimbo~ (: havent really thanked you for coming down the other day.. whether it was for a guniangs' gathering or specially for me. thanks dear. but i really have to say, scrubbing the dead skin off really didnt hurt, although the cream she applied beforehand really tickled.. hee. and thanks for lending me your jacket when my fingers were freezing as well as the nice hug you gave. love ya.
12:08
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
cant seem to sleep.. thoughts running wild in my head. feeling so helpless when control is actually in my hands. to put an end to everyone's misery, i can just throw in the towel now and say that im not suited for jc, and start a new life at a poly next year. but somehow, it doesnt feel right. although i can envision myself in a poly, but images of me going from tutorial to lecture to the canteen, even to mass pe, seems more suitable. maybe thats because ive already spent a year there, thus the familarity and comfort level, but its the way of teaching and discipline that is present in the school that im more comfortable with. guess its because a person like me is easily influenced and lack self-discipline, lacking good judgement in many areas, thus i need to remain in that sheltered environment that has been with me my entire life.
regret is what i feel now. although whats past has past and there is no use crying over split milk, but somehow i could have done better. was i really overconfident because of what i managed to achieve for my Os and thus the relaxed attitude i gave towards my studies afterwards, or did i really make a mistake right from the beginning by choosing to study in a jc, just because my brother did it and i followed suit despite the freedom to choose my own source of education?
never have i in my whole life fall so badly, i guess this is what a smooth life and confidence do to you, it makes you think that you are so smart, that nothing can bring you down. it is only when stiuations occur and you find out that simple solutions used on almost anything is no longer useful, you realise that you are nothing but a teenager who knows nothing, but pretending as though you do, so that in front of some, you appear more superior and that ego in you that yearns for attention is satisfied when they stare at you in awe, amazed that you are more capable than they are.
all this useless ranting might prove to be unnecessary if brother does allow me to repeat, but that remains unforseen. now, im insecure and at a loss. everyone has their own problems, its so hard to find a listening ear, it is even harder to find someone one can cry with after hearing how you really feel, after baring all thoughts and secrets without withholding.
life is unpredictable. it can be so good one moment that you cant believe such wonderful things is happening to you. it can also be so screwed up that you feel like ending all the misery in an instant.
please give me a second chance.
02:16
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
feeling really grouchy now.. been like that since yesterday.. to make things worse, my poorest gf is ill, pretty ill actually. had to take jabs and all.. that poor thing.
no mood to blog anymore for tonight.. my doomsday is on thurs. date of funeral to be announced at a later date.
22:25
Monday, November 24, 2003
tq tonight. hope it will be as good as the first, or even better. meeting up with my 3 fav studying partners : az, pam, tan. we've not had an outing together since godknowswhen. the last time i saw all 3 at the same time was teachers' day, which was eons ago. but em's not going... :(
14:24
Sunday, November 23, 2003
decided to have a change from the usual black background and get a white one instead.. looks pretty ok to me.. as usual, my archives have gone missing and the page is way too long.. shall do something about that another day when i have more patience.
22:19
Thursday, November 20, 2003
im just an average teenager seeking a post-secondary education. i had two paths i could choose from and ive made my choice, but why is all this happening to me? first i wasnt given a chance to graduate with my classmates next year, just when i thought things were looking up a little, im torn from solid ground right back into hell.
not recommended to promote?? if i did have disciplinary problems and teachers did want me out of their sight asap so that they wont die early teaching me, fine. but i do not have such problems, and for crying out loud, ive never even been to dc before, and now you are telling me some of those whose request for repeating have been approved, are in fact those who create trouble? where's the logic? true, i may not be the most hardworking student (otherwise i wouldnt be in this sorry state), but ive learnt my lesson, why arent i given a chance? things happen for a reason. i understand that, but this time, no amount of reasoning can stop me from staying. i admit, maybe if i had chosen poly initially, my hols would be spent merrying and having fun wholeheartedly cos exams are over and deadlines for projects met. instead, my hols are spent wondering if i do get a second chance and if i do, will i still be in this situation next year?
sometimes, i feel like a clown, beneath all that smiles and grins and laughter, only sadness and loneliness and guilt accompany me to bed at night. the feeling of not being able to promote with t04 is enough punishment for me for not studying the way i was supposed to, now with my current situation and with the possibility that i might not stay, the feeling has multiplied. i feel as though ive let down those who had faith in me, especially my mum, surprisingly, my dad, as well as giam. like me, although on the surface they put a smile on their face and say its ok, that its better to fall now than later, the look in their eyes tell all. yet, they still treat as though nothing has happened and pamper me like a child who has done nothing wrong.
just ranting some thoughts. hopefully, after meeting with brother, ill be given another chance, another chance to prove that this chance which was bestowed upon me didnt go to waste.
lastly, thanks to my 2 dearies who accompanied me today... (: therapy was wonderful! sorry for waking both of you up so early in the morning (one was at 0812, and the other at 0850). especially to the sleepyhead, im glad i saw you today -- been missing you lots&lots&lots. :) love the 2 of ya!! -hugs both tightly-
16:44
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
the list is
still not out.
not that im in a rush to know when i have to go back and see brother, but the sense of waiting for something that was supposed to have appeared by now is nerve-wrecking. lucky for me, i do not have to go all the to school to see if the list is out, my informant calls and tell me. dont ask me why am i complaining since i dont have to travel to school and find out that the list is not out, i guess its not the physical weariness that im talking about, but the mental fatigue of waiting.
moving on..
went for timsum with my mum at the crystaljade at paragon. it was yummilicious. the only disappointment was that the lobster salad we ordered didnt arrive despite the fact that we sat and ate for an hour. so in the end we cancelled the order and went shopping. got myself a nice black skirt, now thinking back, it might be too formal to wear as a casual skirt to town..
-yawn-
nap time.
16:59
Sunday, November 16, 2003
17:19
Saturday, November 15, 2003
pw's over!!
surprisingly, our group received real good reviews, despite sudden laughters during the presentation, stammering and during q&a, absolutely no idea what we were blabbering about, desperately trying to make sense out of the senseless things we were saying; and most importantly, although we had no videoclip (it died on us early in the morning and attempts to redownload the clip was of no use), we still had "good visual effects". all credit goes to kk and mel. :) after it all ended, and pleased with ourselves, sunita, mel, kk and i went to town to "celebrate" by taking our first group neo. it was loads of fun!
CJ015, we rock!
today, went out shopping with my mum. boy, diamonds are really a girl's best friend. i've received my first christmas present and im absolutely pleased and excited about them. :) headed to ikea and queensway after that and came back empty-handed, except for another pair of adidas shorts. didnt manage to get my sandals or stuff from ikea.
decided not to join my parents for dinner tonight cos i was too lazy to get up from my nice sleep in the evening, so now im starving and waiting for them to get dinner for me.
20:40
Thursday, November 13, 2003
havent been blogging... nothing to blog about my boringboring life.
pw op tmr.. script not memorised, articles not annotated, individual evaluation not done. basically, im screwed.
went out with val and pam today.. supposed to have an outing but ms blur being her blur self, forgot to inform me. but i met them anyhow and we walked all over trying to find somewhere for a pedi, but everywhere was fully booked, so it has once again been postponed till a later date.
hmmm, -thinks- i think thats about it..
gotta go memorise all my pw stuff.
later.
23:16
Sunday, November 09, 2003
my feet hurts big time...
walked so much today in the wrong footwear.
anyway, lets talk about happier things..
spent quite a bit in the last 48hrs.
adding them all up, maybe around $250++?
took 3 neos today and saw
nette
i miss you dearie! must really meet up sometime soon ya? -hug-
im dead beat.
still gotta go to school tmr for pw. urgh.
good luck to all taking their As tmr.
21:56
Friday, November 07, 2003
chinese paper was okay i guess...
give me a b4 and ill be satisified.
supposed to be a shopping day today, but i didnt manage to get anything.. :( but i did have loads of fun with giam and my mum. yes, giam and my mum. gosh, we were making so much noise, but it was damn fun! :)
just a short summary.
im off to watch some tv.
21:02
Thursday, November 06, 2003
last day of official school.
last day spent with t04 '03.
this time next year ill be with another class...
bleah.
hello yiyan!!! -waves-
that was from eunice,
my spastic classmate who insisted that i put those few words up.
love you euuuu!
07:22
Monday, November 03, 2003
so many thoughts going on in this head of mine, wanna expel them all, but words dont seem to form, so i cant remove them. talking about how i really feel deep inside seems so difficult because there is no one to trust. even the closest person can turn his/her back on you/me/her/him/them without any proper reason, and it can happen anytime, giving no time to react. by then, regretting will be too late, cos whats told has been told, no use crying over spilt milk.
brief summary :
-- halloween dinner at nydc (hollandv.) on fri night was pretty okay, except that we were pretty late.. the stupid bus took 20min to arrive. makeup was disastrous. it was really halloween come alive.
-- was out all day on sat, my whole family was asleep by 2200, cos we were all so tired.
-- slacked around yesterday, but had a good lunch (at gardens) and dinner (cafe cartel). bought another black top.. gonna go shopping with my mum soon. cant wait!
-- pw presentation today.. rehearsal in class, so nervous that i kept laughing, partly cos sunshine accidentally read my part as well, so by the time it was my turn, i had nothing much to say except repeat practically everything. and i couldnt smile when the tie was delivered to the class... damn.
short term memory. cant remember anything else.
oh ya, got back reports today.. dont dare to let my dad see.. shall try and psycho my mum into signing it for me. *screwed
18:00
