Saturday, June 26, 2004
sleep isnt exactly something that is coming by easily these days. oh well, ill just take it as ive been sleeping too much my entire life and this is what i get. had some issues earlier (duh!) but one is all settled and absolutely peachy already, the other... lets just say i think my exams are more important, as heartless as that may sound.
had a great day today although i did have my lit paper in the morning and i totally regret doing that essay question for caretaker. guess its really nice to have the three of us sitting around and laughing and chit-chatting at nothing.. still need to get used to the scene of it occuring frequently though. but im really happy that you two look so blissful. (: absolutely adored the narcissism we had.. the only thing i look forward to more of these sessions - photo-taking. heh.
i feel as though a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. i am supposed to be feeling guilt for what ive done, but surprisingly, till now, i feel perfectly fine. if guilt was meant to sink in, it sure is taking its own time.
00:03
Saturday, June 19, 2004
if the shoe fits, wear it.
if it doesnt, dont bother.
i dreamt of you and guess what? i was equally turned off by the idea of seeing you in my dreams, just like in reality. now that means something. i know im not supposed to be feeling this way, afterall, we've been through quite a bit together, but somewhile, that has all changed. i still treasure the memories, but somehow, im only holding on to the past, not looking forward to the future. not at all.
***
time can change a lot of things. from conservatism to liberalisation. from rejection to acceptance. but let me tell you, its gonna take a hell long time for me to accept what is happening now and whats gonna happen. of course, i still stick to if that is what make you guys happy, go ahead. leave me out of the picture. i love both of you very much and i just want everything to work out, but put yourself in my shoes, and think before even questioning me why im reacting this way. oh, then again.. that would be hard to achieve isnt it? cos if you jog your memory a little, you'll know that i hardly tell either of you anything.. im always the listener. taking in everything but obliged not to say anything. i know i can trust you the way you trust me, but im sorry. ive been through this so many times that "trust" no longer exists in my dictionary. all this will break your heart, but im sorry. this is me. and dont even think about bringing this back to me and asking me, cos im not gonna talk about it anymore.
***
ive known you all my life and all of a sudden you wanna get involved in my life? sure ill gladly accept that cos im not gonna deny the fact that ive been waiting for this moment to arrive. but how about this? why dont you start knowing more about me from me and not from someone else? just like i dont wanna find out about your life outside from someone else.. i would rather take it real slow and savour every moment and lock it all in my heart, not find out all at a go by someone you hardly even know. hey then again, maybe by now, that person already knows you more than i do.
maybe ill regret what ive said one day. i most probably will. always the first to give in arent i? only when i know that ill definitely get my way that i dare try to not give a shit. but for now, this is what im feeling.
22:17
i dont wanna see anyone or communicate with anyone right now and i dont want need to explain why. and that includes you.
no im not having a moodswing.
neither am i behaving this way cos my exams start next friday.
so shut your mouth and quit pondering.
im angry.
01:46
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
kk, short and brief summary.
firstly,
NOT ENOUGH TIME TO STUDY!! urgh!! still got tonnes to study before lit paper next fri. damndamnmdamn!!!
secondly, to the es pple, ill do the blog after exams, got no time to go look for a nice template.
thirdly, erm, cant think of anything now.ill update again.
bye!
19:10
Saturday, June 12, 2004
zoo cip is over. :| and i didnt go today, ie the last day because ive been itching all over since last night. damn damn damn! i wanted to go work at the sealion or polarbear section..
day one
reached the zoo at 0810 and waited at the entrance for about 40min for the rest to come. after collecting our volunteer passes, angel and i got partnered together and was posted to the gibbon section where nana and derrick worked the previous days. the 2 zookeepers - rajan and mazuki were i/c of the kitchen of section11 and only rajan interacted with us. mazuki was like fierce-looking and dao and all. so we kinda stuck to rajan and he kept leaving us behind. we spent the whole day either waiting around or walking around behaving like tourists, taking loads of photos and jumping up and down. i admit, especially me. heh.
the only constructive things we did were sweeping the guanaco's area, the wolf dens which had rotting pieces of flesh and maggots.. smelly. yup. thats how slack we were. there are like 3 breaks, one at 1000, the other for lunch - noon, and another at 1500. by the time breaks were over and all that slacking, it was time to go home.. was exchanging gossip with nana on the way home.
day two
it wasnt mazuki this time, but rajan and wahid. wahid is hilarious.. keeps making us laugh.. and we were definitely much more eventful than the previous day. besides sweeping, we also helped to do crowd divertion when one of the naughty gibbons escaped again, chopped up food for the feedings later in the afternoon, washed the kitchen which was in dire needs of serious washing, swept the breeding areas and saw so many cute lil monkeys.
the most memorable was when we went to see the sealion show.. i got kissed by the sealion!! -jumps around- ahhh!! love it! :D the day was over soon and we were all so tired that we slept on the bus until we reached amk interchange.
thoughts
im glad i went although i only attended like 2 out of 6 days. learnt a lot. and of course, took plenty of pictures. the food was pretty good, but luckily they provided lunch, paying to eat would make me bankrupt in no time. also, being a volunteer rocks because we took so many pictures that visitors had to pay for, like the python, the orangutan and the sealion. saved quite a bit of money there. ;) bottom line is, i had a great time though the time spent was a lil too short.
back to reality. cip is over. gotta hit the books again.
im hungry.. hope my parents come home with dinner soon.
20:04
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
back from ltc, have to say, despite the hurting knee and infinite mosquito bites, it was pretty fun.
day one
got assigned our sleeping quarters. guys on the first two floors and girls on the top 2. since no guys were to enter the girls' floors, we made full use of it by turning the fifth floor guys toilet into our shower room, as we didnt wanna wait and get all annoyed with the waiting by rushing down to the minimal number of shower cubicles that has minimal, almost non-existant water supply. usual ice-breaking exercises although they present it in a better way by saying that its to encourage leadership and all that nonsense. lunch. more activities. all were indoor stuff, like having lessons, only that guy i/c of ours was like damn boring and sucked, till about 2000+ in the evening. dinner in between. briefing about next day's activities and water parade and lights out.
bring the first night, most of us couldnt fall asleep, so we were chatting in the dark till tjs came and stood outside our window and we took ages to realise it. when we did we immediately hushedhushed and feigned sleep. when we left, we resumed. libing and i were like taking photos in the darkness. the night was quite cool but sleep came only after 0300+.
day two
giam called me at 0500 but i didnt answer. woke up at 0515 thinking that it was 0545 cos some of my roommates (odac) got up to go running, but libing said not yet, so we continued to sleep till the alarm went off. changed. had breakfast and headed off to macritchie. had to do pushups and jumpingjacks cos some didnt bring either their bandage or plasters. route was from macritchie to the summit of bukit timah hill. my knee died halfway so i didnt go to the summit and couple of us ended up walking with the teachers and took shortcuts and ended up at the base first. felt quite bad not following my group up but my knee was hurting like crazy. kenny dehydrated on his way up to the summit and sweet and fit joel ran all the way down to the base, got him water and ran all the way up again. -pats joel on back-
water supply was pathetic cos we were all only allowed to bring 500ml of water to last the entire trek. so everyone headed straight the the watercoolers when they reached the base although they were all exhausted. lunch was minimal. had to lug our lunch with us for the trek including one medicineball, one shotput ball and a brick. took turns to carry. to minimise space in the bags and to prevent the food from getting wet, we packed the biscuits in tupperwares and squashed the bread till it was one-quarter its original height and stuffed the 2 loaves into a small ziplock. no wonder anyone hardly ate. except for nathan (ie teacher-in-charge of my group but is hardly present, does the least work and eats the most.)
after lunch at the base, we went for a 4 hour rock-climbing session. couldnt do it cos of my knee so ended up sitting and chit-chatting and looking at that cutecute malay instructor. his backview looks just like raj. same hair. earring on one ear. short and sweet, but raj is wayy prettier. heh. had teatime cos giam gave me a piece of the peanut pancake that she bought.
reached school earlier than the other batch then went for rock-climbing first instead of trekking, so we went to bathe. libing, kris and i were like sitting in class and applying plenty of powder cos we had abrasions and mine was the most. red like anything. had a buffet dinner, but its actually the usual food that is displayed buffet style instead of all readily packed in tupperwares. we opened up the remaining can of bakedbeans left over from lunch and desmond koped a bottle of chilli sauce from the buffet table, although he was the only one who used it.
more debrief and nathan annoyed the hell out of me by saying things that she observed and 80% of them were crap cos she only saw a small bit and applied it to the entire group. bottom line : she sucks.
exhausted but didnt sleep well cos somehow it was very warm in the night and i scratched my knees red from all that mosquito bites.
day three
breakfast was oily oily meegoreng and tuna leftover from yesterday's lunch. talk by bp afterward and we were all trying to keep our eyes opened. got split into two groups - htcs and ccaleaders/councilelects. had a role play by the facils and i must say, shimon looked and good in his role as a teacher. heard that during rehearsals he kept laughing, but he managed to keep a straight face during the actual thing. filled up some evaluation thing on colac.
mini thanksgiving ceremony followed by final cheers as each group went up to collect certificates of participation in mon's training. more speeches and we all went up to pack our stuff and it was home sweet home.
the rose - song played during the htc training.
Some say love, it is a river, that drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor, that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower, and you, its only seed
Its the heart afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance
Its the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance
Its the one who won't be taken, the one who can't seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember that in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose
reflections
firstly, i love all my roommates!! a combination of my group and fadz's. absolutely wonderful girls. well, there were no cat-fights or any disagreements, instead there was fun and laughter and friendships forged.
secondly, baker and desmond were wonderful facils for my group.. interacting with us and bascially, made things seem less dreadful.
last but definitely not least,
FIRES ROCKS!
huixin, sarah, kris, gaya, sara, joel, kenny, ryan, jeremy, joshua,weising
you all have been absolutely wonderful teammates, never failing to lend a helping hand or motivate the entire group. love you all. (:
i say Fires is so fun
we are gonna be number one!
what say you say i say
what say you say i say
i say Fires you say Go!
Fires!
Go!
Fires!
Go!
Gooooooooooooooo FIRES!!
-screams and jumps-
this long entry has taken up all my energy. think im gonna sleep now. there's zoo cip tmr. gotta be there by 0855. no sleeping longer again. sigh. hope it will be fun. the person i/c sounds like a bitch.
nights.
20:12
Saturday, June 05, 2004
"stars are like photographs. you can read into them what you will. you can believe that they measure all you have lost, or you can believe that they represent all you have loved, and continue to love."
23:01
Thursday, June 03, 2004
skipped lit lessons today.. two hours of chan is too much for me to bear. im almost done with physical geog, left with weathering and im amazed at the time i took. close to one week just to complete plate tectonics, earthquakes, vulcanicity.. thats damn long! wouldnt be that bad if i had started on other subjects too, but sadly, nope.
today's goal is to complete weathering and start on elasticity. got that lousy econs drq test tmr, must know some facts, especially calculation. hate that part.
shall resume academics after entertainment.
time for wqyl.
14:30
